How far does £25 / week go on board and logings. includes, all food, internet,phone,electric,gas,water,tv, food for them & friends

about 3 hours

No money tree's but these are adults not children and you should welcome them to the real world by upping there board and lodge to a realistic level.

Hi jeff27, and welcome to the forum.

I agree with Noddy here, and you yourself, they are both adults and should indeed be paying a realistic level of board and lodging, as sadly money trees are very scarce on the ground these days! Show them the bills so they can see exactly what it is costing you to subsidise them! In the long run, you will be doing them a favour, as they will have to survive on their own one day.

Perhaps you could charge them an amount for lodgings & necessary bills etc... and then leave them to feed themselves, or give them some money back each week so they can buy their own food. Then they are free to feed whoever they want, and they don't need to eat what you are eating.

My would-be-brother-in-law was 30 when he finally moved out of his mum's house; he took everything for granted and was so used to her bailing him out when he had no money for food or board that when he had to fend for himself he started stealing money off people at work and ended up in prison.

Now I'm not suggesting that your children would do anything like that, as he generally had lack of respect-for-anything type issues, but I am younger than he is and have always managed my own money and respected what money can (and can't) buy! I would suggest that unless you want them still living in your house in 10 years time, they probably need a good dose of money reality. If they are not aware of how much things cost they will not be able to survive on their own. If they do know how much things cost and are selfish enough not to pay a fair amount, then perhaps there are deeper issues that need resolving first.

Unless there are other issues such as disabilities etc that mean that they need your support with day to day living, perhaps it is time they found some wings and learned to fly?

This is a common scenario that I come across day after day .... if these adult 'children' had to fend for themselves, a room in a house would cost up to £80 a week and that does not include food, laundry and ironing. £25 a week is an insult and needs to be addressed .... I was paying £40/week plus a third towards phone bills and electric bills when I last lived at home in the seventies and I thought I was doing well! I would say that £50 a week is the absolute minimum for 'home comforts' ... with the alternative of pay or live elsewhere. NO, you won't find a money tree but neither should your adult 'non dependents' expect one either!

Its really difficult and I do sympathise, its such a common scenario these days, but in the end you are doing them no favours by letting this continue. They will resent you asking initially, but faced with home comforts or moving out and paying even more, I can almost guarantee they'd choose to stay! I hope they contribute in other ways such as laundry, cleaning and cooking.........? If you're all adults it should be taken in turns!

Kick 'em out or tell 'em to pay more. Stick a lock on the fridge and tell them to buy their own food :)

Hi jeff27 - What a impossible situation you are in and my heart goes out to you both. Your wife on the one side and both your families on the other. Are the two boys your wife's family. If so you are in a rough predicament.

As a person who has a step daughter and also two children of my own who have all left home now, I can see what is happening in your house. It seems such a shame that you are the one who feels you must leave this situation and also your wife. Why should you be turned out of your own home because of these very lazy people.

When I was a single parent I taught my children to wash, cook, iron and tidy up their bedrooms and all laundry into the wash basket or it wouldn't get done. Working late some evenings I'm afraid they would have starved if they had waited for me. Yours seem to have missed the training which they should have received in their very early teens but that is probably not your fault if they aren't yours.

What to do. Well it's you or them and how you really feel with the relationship you have. Do you go or them that is the question. You sound desperately unhappy and I'm not surprised with the thought of debt at the end of the day. I think you are going to have to put your cards on the table and tell them the exact position you are in and that they have one month to find somewhere else to live after than they are on their own. It's time the lazy gits pulled their finger out and helped you both with money, help around the house and cooking a few meals - can't boil an egg what a disgrace.

Sorry for you both and so hope you can get it sorted.

Hi again Jeff :) Does your wife know quite how bad you actually feel? If it is so bad that you are actually thinking of leaving her too because of the children then perhaps some joint counselling may be a step forward?
Has she considered what the 'children' will do when neither of you are there to cook, clean and wash for them?

Perhaps there are issues that she has not felt able to discuss with you too - maybe she is holding onto the children for fear of being alone, holding onto her past etc..? If she thinks that you are going to leave maybe she is trying to make sure that the 'children' will still be around and need her; obviously for you this is pushing you away, and having the opposite effect of what it seems that you want.

Perhaps the issues run deeper than money, and are personal that you and your wife need to discuss together. Or maybe you are looking for a reason to leave.

I hope you can get things sorted, as if you both have bad health then you don't want to make things worse. Perhaps a doctor would be able to suggest somewhere to go for relationship counselling where you could both feel secure to put any other issues on the table and start to work through them together. Good luck! Xx

I think they should pay lodgings each week. When i lived with my then boyfriend (now hubby) he used to pay £5 a week for me i only earnt £80 a week and his parents were happy with the bit extra as i didnt eat much then! Plus we were saving for our first house and they wanted us to get a better deposit to put down. However that said i do think people should pay their way. How else ill they learn about life? Not everything is plain sailing? I think they should learn to stand on their own 2 feet.